Blessing #11

TRAX! Yes, this post is dedicated to the trax train. UTA should be thanking me for promoting one of their modes of transportation ;) Why on earth am I grateful for TRAX today? Well, other than the fact that it is just plain awesome to ride a train, TRAX made me smile today. Here's why: I love to people watch! Don't call me a creeper, you know you love to people watch too ;) Today's people watching session was special though! I watched a young, male college student talking to someone on the phone and he couldn't stop smiling....you know, the cutesy, cheesy, sappy, talking to his new girlfriend type of smiling :)

I then watched a girl take out her phone to find that she had received a text message. Instantly, a massive smile appeared on her face and I watched her read the message over and over again...now, let's be honest ladies, we've all done this! I have no idea what was said in the phone conversation or the text message, but each of their reactions told me everything I needed to know...they were both so, extremely happy and in love. I tried to imagine what could be going on in their lives and relationships and couldn't stop myself from smiling also as I considered the possibilities. While the road to finding one's EC (eternal companion) can be difficult at times, it can also be just plain adorable. I love love! :)

Blessing #10

I recently watched The Adjustment Bureau. I'm sorry to be bringing up another movie, but after it ended, I found myself contemplating its message quite a bit. If you haven't seen it yet, I'll give just a brief summary...a very brief summary. Basically, the main characters, David and Elise, fall in love. However, as with any good love story, something impedes their relationship from progressing. In this case, that something is the adjustment bureau. The responsibility of the adjustment bureau is to keep each man or woman on his or her own set, predetermined path. Each member of the adjustment bureau works for the "chairman" of the bureau and he is the one who determines which path is correct for each person. Of course, in the movie, David and Elise are not meant to be together, so they must find a way to break free from the chairman's grip. From a Hollywood standpoint, I think it's safe to say that the "chairman" would represent God in this movie; a controlling God who doesn't allow humanity to make individual decisions.

Luckily, that is not the way I envision God. To this day, I'm still trying to decide exactly how I feel about the movie; however, one thing I do know, is that it brought some thoughts to my mind that I'm grateful for. First of all, the movie's representation of God is quite skewed, but I related to it in a way. Heavenly Father obviously doesn't force us to do anything; we have our agency. He does, however, know what is best for each of us. So, although we are not forced to follow a specific path, there is a path that may be better for us to follow than others. Hence the need for revelation.

This thought brought about a personal epiphany. Have you ever felt, as David and Elise did, that you are not on a path you would have chosen for yourself? Have you wondered why things happen the way they do when such circumstances, you feel, tend to just bring sadness or disappointment? I have. I've even prayed that I might receive something I want, because I feel it will bring me the happiness my Heavenly Father would want me to have. This movie though, along with plenty of other experiences, has made me realize that there is a plan, better than my own, occurring in my life right now...and as I put my faith in God, I will be able to see it as such.

An encouraging and relevant quote was shared in a talk given in my ward this past week. It's by Elder Bruce C. Hafen. He said: "...we must willingly give everything, because God Himself can't make us grow against our will and without our full participation." Each of us must willingly give our will to the Lord and trust that he will make us our best and bring about our greatest joy. I, personally, am grateful for not always being granted the blessings I seek for myself. Little by little, and often in hindsight, we learn to recognize the Lord's hand in our lives. I've definitely seen that in my own life recently and am so grateful that the "chairman", ahem, I mean that the man upstairs exists ;)

Blessing #9

Let me just start by saying the past week has been really tough for me. It started wonderfully! I finally thought something was developing with a guy I have been interested in for a very long time. My excitement quickly dwindled though as I found out that I was wrong. I should have been ready for it; it's happened before. But the amount of emotion that results from these experiences still shocks me every time. Not only have I lost someone who I invested a lot of time and hope in, but I've also lost a best friend. I miss him more than I can even express and wish I could stop the tears that seem to appear at the most inopportune times. I sometimes feel like I seem to find success in every aspect of my life but love, which unfortunately, is what I want most. Along with this, I lost my best girl friend to Texas since she graduated, I spent several unsuccessful hours (due to lack of concentration) studying for finals, and I recently got sick. I know, woe is me right? I must sound so pathetic. Why is it so hard to find the good in life when going through trials? I have the same conversation with myself every time that I experience something like this and I can't seem to come up with an answer that sticks. It's not the end of the world. Things will improve. I will move on. I know this from experience. So why can't I immediately move from point A to point B without all the wallowing in sadness and misery?

After this week, I can offer one answer. I've been studying about adversity lately and I caught a glimpse of why these experiences are important when I read a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell called Enduring Well. Let me share a couple of quotes from it with you:

"Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely cautioned: 'I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.'"

"Edith Hamilton observed: 'When love meets no return the result is suffering, and the greater the love the greater the suffering. There can be no greater suffering than to love purely and perfectly one who is bent upon evil and self-destruction. That was what God endured at the hands of men.'"

"Many...experience unreciprocated love. This is part of coming to know, on our small scale, what Jesus experienced. Part of enduring well consists of being meek enough, amid our suffering, to learn from our relevant experiences. Rather than simply passing through these things, they must pass through us and do so in ways which sanctify these experiences for our good (see D&C 122:7). Thereby, our empathy, too, is enriched and everlasting."

Now think of that last quote and my recent experience. Keep in mind that this talk was the first I came to in my studies. Coincidence? I think not. The Lord knew that I needed to hear something related to love and suffering and boy was that quote powerful for me. Through this experience, on a very small scale, I'm coming to understand a bit more about what my Savior went through; possibly even what I've put him through at times. I'm also developing more empathy for others. Empathy is powerful, I've seen the importance of it in my job when counseling with students who have gone through extremely hard experiences.

The last quote also reminded me of a quote by Elder Holland that I love. He said, “you can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experiences with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life.” I think this is what it means to have trials pass through us in ways that will sanctify us for our good. When in the midst of trials and suffering, we will receive revelation and instruction that will make us better people and more capable instruments in the hands of the Lord. I want to end with another comforting quote by President Uchtdorf:

"Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can't see the Lord's hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness."

I am grateful for the gospel. I am grateful for the people who have made a positive influence on my life. And I am grateful for adversity.

Blessing #8

So...it's been a long time...and my last post was more sad than happy. I promise I'm not that ungrateful, just busy. Blessing number 8 is a bit delayed since it happened on my birthday, but I wanted to write about it anyway. Have you ever had a friend that you just know will always be considered a best friend no matter what? Someone that, when you look back on your life, seems to exist in almost every good memory? I have a friend like that. Her name is Heather Kilpatrick.

Heather and I met in first grade. We were in the same class and I knew I wanted to be her friend. Why? Because she had pierced ears. Yes, I'm shallow, I know. My mom wouldn't let me get my ears pierced til I was 12 so I was immediately drawn to what I couldn't have I guess...ha ha. We were instantly best friends and would be all the way through high school. Heather and I did everything together and I can't think of a better person to have had an influence on my life.

On my birthday this year, I checked the mail and found a letter from Heather. In it, she wished me a happy birthday and then proceeded to write about a memory she had of our past. It was a silly memory, a really silly one, but it absolutely made my day! Heather has always been so thoughtful and I realized through her simple and kind act, that I wanted to do more than I currently do for other people. I'm so grateful for friends that have this kind of impact on my life. Heather, you are truly a blessing to me! Thanks for always being a great example and a great friend!

Blessing #7

Writing is cathartic for me. I find it to be one of the easiest ways to express myself. I recently wrote the poem below. Before you read it, I'd like to say, please don't worry about me. I know the poem is somewhat sad, but I usually write when I'm most emotional..ha ha. I just wanted to share it as blessing number seven tonight as I am so very grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.

Her email and phone, she frequently checks
For an email, a voice mail, an instant message or text.
She sits in silence, hoping to hear a knock at the door.
But each night's the same; she ends up crying on the floor.

She tries to concentrate on work and on school.
The more time she fills, she knows her thoughts he won't rule.
A song brings a memory that she tries to push away,
But the next song does the same; she wonders if she'll be okay.

She longs for his presence, his smile, his touch,
His kindness, his humor, his conversation so much.
She decides to put her trust though in "giving it time,"
But each day is difficult, as she continues the climb.

The heart is fragile, it breaks, it is torn.
The owner often feels hurt, haggard, and worn.
So, one may ask, what will make her heart mend?
Time? Chocolate? These words that are penned?

Perhaps one might say, "yes, all of the above!"
But there's also someone who freely gives of his love.
He's one she can count on, he's steadfast, he's sure.
He's her Savior, her redeemer, her brother, her cure.

Blessing #6

Beep, beep, beep, beep....Does this sound remind you of anything? If you're cringing because you can now hear the alarm clock in your head, find comfort in the fact that I usually have the same reaction. Last week, I was just plain annoyed as my alarm woke me up from a dream I didn't want to leave. Worst. Sound. Ever. Right?.....perhaps not.

I recently saw Inception for the third time. Yes, I'm a bit obsessed. This movie is so unique and the concepts presented...fascinating! I think the movie is intriguing to all audiences as the dream world is so familiar, and yet so enigmatic at the same time. In my opinion, it was even better the third time around as some thoughts I hadn't previously considered were impressed upon my mind. I think I was finally able to move past the sheer wonder of it all and instead take in a basic and meaningful message that the movie conveys. This message represents blessing number six.

So...if you haven't seen this movie yet, you may not want to read on. In fact, I would suggest you head to a redbox right now instead :) If you have seen the movie, you know that the main character, Cobb, has an internal struggle of sorts. His wife, Mal, who passed away, finds her way into every dream he is a part of and tries to convince him that the dream world is the real world. Because of this, Cobb, who is trying to make it back to their children, never seems to have a firm grasp on reality.

The heart of Cobb's struggle, choosing between reality and the dream world, made me think a lot about my own life. Have you ever imagined how happy you might be if things were different in your life? Have you ever thought back to a choice you've made and wondered if your current situation would have been better had you chosen another path? Have you thought back to the past and longed to have "the good old days" back? Have you ever wished for something so much that you just can't seem to let it go? In response to all of these questions, I have. It's obviously not always a bad thing to have these thoughts as you (in relation to the questions above) learn from mistakes, reminisce, and work to achieve goals; however, I think many of us spend too much time living in the "dream world" and not enough time finding happiness in and being content with our own realities.

In his most recent conference address, President Monson said, "We have all experienced times when our focus is on what we lack rather than on our blessings. Said the Greek philosopher Epictetus, 'He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.'" I've always believed that one's attitude literally makes an experience good or bad. I think we, as human beings, literally have more control over our lives than we give ourselves credit for.

So why is it sometimes hard to keep that positive attitude and find the peace that comes when optimism is put into practice? I don't really know, but I am certainly, personally, going to work harder at it. I truly have so much to be thankful for and my reality is a good one. I love the final scene in Inception when Cobb makes it home and finally sees the faces of his children. We each have the same opportunity to experience such joy in our own lives as we choose to make the most of our realities.

Blessing #5

A spider. Yes, a spider of all things taught me a great lesson yesterday (very fitting for this time of year, don't you think?). First of all, let's just say that I disdain spiders. I end up paralyzed whenever I encounter one. Yesterday, however, this small, creepy creature reminded me of some important truths. I was on my way to my parent's house for a family Halloween party and right around the Lehi area, I noticed something on my windshield. There, dead center, was a small spider (on the outside of the windshield that is). My first reaction was fear and I almost turned my windshield wipers on, but that fear quickly turned to amazement. How was this little guy holding onto my windshield so tightly? I would expect that he'd be blown right off at freeway speeds. I marveled the whole way home as he tagged along for the ride. I eventually got to my exit and had to stop at the light, and in response, my little friend slowly made his way toward my windshield wipers and climbed into a small crevice as he finally had relief from the wind. I considered trying to find him when I got home since I knew he was still on my car, but decided I'd let him do whatever he wanted after he had made it that far.

So, being a nerd, I wanted to do a little research about the strength of a spider's grip. I found quite a few articles and want to share a bit about what I learned. I'm guessing some of you out there already know this, but here it is anyway:

"A team from Germany and Switzerland have made the first detailed examinations of a jumping spider's 'foot' and have discovered that a molecular force sticks the spider to almost anything. The force is so strong that these spiders could carry over 170 times their own body weight while standing on the ceiling. This is the first time anyone has measured exactly how spiders stick to surfaces, and how strong the adhesion force is. The team used a scanning electron microscope (SEM) to make images of the foot of a jumping spider. There is a tuft of hairs on the bottom of the spider's leg, and each individual hair is covered in more hairs. These smaller hairs are called setules, and they are what makes the spider stick. The force these spiders use to stick to surfaces is the van der Waals force, which acts between individual molecules that are within a nanometre of each other (a nanometre is about ten thousand times smaller than the width of a human hair). The team used a technique called Atomic Force Microscopy (AFM) to measure this force. The flexible contact tips of the setules are triangular and they have an amazingly high adhesive force on the underlying surface."

So there you have it. Setules keep a spider on your bedroom ceiling, on your wall at work, or on your windshield while driving on the freeway :) I thought this was pretty cool and couldn't help but find connections to the gospel and trials. I watched that spider the whole way home and wondered how long he would hold on. I imagine the thirty minutes or so that he was stuck there, probably felt like a lifetime to him. So this got me thinking, what are my "setules" during trying times? Or what are the things that help me to "hold on" when going through something hard? The answers are simple, but are sometimes forgotten or just not utilized. They may include prayer, scripture study, faith, service, temple worship, fasting, an attitude of gratitude, etc. These are things that will help us come to know our Savior, Jesus Christ, and as we make him our rock, the very foundation of our lives (our windshield if you will), we will not be overcome by the winds of life; but will, as I'm sure my spider friend found, be strengthened, refined, and more qualified to enter the Kingdom of God.