Blessing #15

The Sixth Sense

"I see dead people." Who could forget the first time they heard this chilling confession from Cole Sear to his supposed psychologist, Malcolm Crowe, in M. Night Shyamalan's big hit? It may be odd, but these famous words entered my mind just a few days ago as I sat on a train bound for Salt Lake City. "Why?" you ask. Let me explain. What do you see in the following picture?

If you've seen Pursuit of Happyness, you know that the man depicted in this photo is Chris Gardner, a father who has literally been beaten down by circumstances in life that seem outside of his control. I observed several, similarly haggard expressions in the faces of those individuals surrounding me on the aforementioned train ride and couldn't help but think, "I see dead people." I'd even be tempted to add, "They're everywhere. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're dead."

By now, you know of course, I’m not referring to "dead" in the literal sense of the word, but more so in a figurative sense. I'm not exempt from my own analogy either. As it was New Year's Eve that day, I had been reflecting on events that took place in 2011 and was preparing to write a particularly catchy country song :) My year in review? My best friend moved away, I moved back in with my parental units for the first time since high school, I returned to school and experienced the stress of accruing large amounts of debt for the first time, my car broke down during the very first week of school which led to an unexpected and expensive repair, my dog died, and...I got dumped, like twice...by the same guy :) Basically, 2011 wasn't my favorite year and I'm pretty sure my own facial expression didn't exactly offset the ambiance that had been created by my fellow passengers. As I scoured the faces of the people on the train that day and thought about my own experiences, I understood Cole Sear's words in a new way. Sometimes we only see what we want to see in life and refuse to acknowledge the moments that could bring us so much joy if we would only open our eyes. 

Chris Gardner says the following at one point in Pursuit of Happyness, "It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"

I think it's safe to say that we are all pursuing happiness in some way; however, it seems we will always be stuck in that pursuit if we don't find a way to be happy now...no matter what the circumstance. I've written about this in previous posts and I'm sure I'll be writing about it again at some point, but this experience made it apparent, once again, how important it is to choose to be happy now. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "It is not so much the major events as the small day-to-day decisions that map the course of our living." While addressing the same topic, President Uchtdorf stated, "So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial. The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness. We do matter. We determine our happiness. You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness." How grateful I am for my blessings, whether obvious or obscure, and for the opportunity I have to choose each day to be happy now.

Blessing #14

Regional conference :)

I attended my stake's regional conference a few weeks ago and had the opportunity to hear from Elder Bednar. His talk was powerful and made my head hurt a little bit because there was so much to think about :) I have thought about it several times since then. It was one of those talks that just inspires you to make real changes in your life.

Elder Bednar spoke of testimony, conversion, and the character of Christ. In his talk, he explained that testimony is something that comes as we study and pray about gospel truths. Conversion, he said, then grows out of testimony as we consistently follow what we know to be true. Following these explanations, he inserted the principles of testimony and conversion into the parable of the ten virgins, calling their lamps the lamps of testimony, and the oil, the oil of conversion. He explained that the oil cannot be shared during moments of trial and adversity, but comes drop by drop as we study the gospel. Conversion must be obtained and cannot be given from person to person. He expressed that every member of the church has some form of testimony, but it is apparent that not all are converted.

Elder Bednar then stated that one cannot be converted until he/she knows some basic things about the character of Christ for "except for the character of Christ, there would have been no atonement." He shared several examples from the scriptures that are representative of Christ's character. In each instance, and always in times of personal trial and adversity, Christ turned outward when the natural man or woman would have the tendency to turn inward. He sent an angel to John who had been sent to prison even though Jesus, himself, had just faced enormous personal hardship, he healed the guard's ear in the midst of his own betrayal, and even on the cross, he pleaded with the Father to "forgive them, for they know not what they do."

As Elder Bednar spoke, it became evident that a truly converted individual is one who follows the example of Christ and turns outward rather than inward...at all times. I've reflected on this often over the past few weeks. It seems logical that our actions would indicate our level of conversion to the gospel and it made me consider my own actions. Do I turn outward rather than inward during times of trial? Probably not as often as I should. I'm grateful for the message that Elder Bednar shared. It reminded me of a quote given in a talk by President Gordon B. Hinckley:

"If the pressures of school are too heavy, if you complain about your housing and the food you eat, I can suggest a cure for your problems. Lay your books aside for a few hours, leave your room, and go visit someone who is old and lonely. Or visit those who are sick and discouraged; there are hundreds of that kind...who need the kind of encouragement you could give. If you are complaining about life, it is because you are thinking only of yourself. There was for many years a sign on the wall of a shoe repair shop I patronized. It read, 'I complained because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.' The most effective medicine for the sickness of self-pity is to lose oneself in the service of others."

I feel like it's pretty easy to get caught up in selfishness and self-pity as a young single adult, as you mainly only have yourself to think about. As I considered both of these messages, it was made clear to me that the real cure for the sickness of self-pity is conversion...true conversion. Such conversion leads to outward acts which represent an inward commitment to live the gospel as a disciple of Jesus Christ. I am again so grateful for this powerful message and hope that as I continue to study and ponder the scriptures, I will develop those Christlike attributes that lead one to turn outward when the natural man would yearn to turn inward.

Blessing #13

....a simple candy bar :)

I went to the Relief Society broadcast this weekend and I absolutely loved President Uchtdorf's talk. When does one not love his talks though, really? ha ha. He made an analogy about the Forget-me-not flower and compared its petals to five things we should never forget in our own lives. The five "forget-me-nots" were:

1) Forget not to be patient with yourself
2) Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a bad sacrifice
3) Forget not to be happy now
4) Forget not the "why" of the gospel
5) Forget not that the Lord loves you

I would love to write about the entire talk (trust me, it was that good), but it's better in his own words so go check it out if you haven't heard it yet.

What I will talk about is one point that really hit me hard at this time in my life. It's something you hear often, but President Uchtdorf put the point into a new light. It was his third forget-me-not: forget not to be happy now. Now I don't really see myself as an unhappy person; I usually have a pretty healthy and optimistic attitude on life, but where he really got me thinking was in his comparison to the "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" story. He quoted a part from the book where the public is alerted that five golden tickets were dispersed in Wonka candy bars. With the news, people spent their time searching for the tickets and quickly forgot the enjoyment they used to find in eating a simple candy bar.

He then talked about the idea that we each have our own "golden tickets" in life. We often think we will be happy and satisfied when a certain event takes place, and as we wait for such an event, we miss the simple moments in life that could bring us the joy we desire if we would only recognize their significance. He talked about a single woman who wanted to be married and to raise a family more than anything else. That dream was never realized though and she quickly became bitter and lonely. No one wanted to be around her because of her attitude and perspective on life. I've been around people like this myself (and have even been this woman on occasion) and I think most would agree, such people can be rather draining. The example of this woman makes me want to be more cognizant of my own attitudes and actions. She was a teacher, but found no enjoyment in her career. I find this attitude to be truly tragic as she had the unique opportunity to make a profound difference in the life of each child she encountered. Uchtdorf reminded the women to discover the beauty of the everyday moments as those that do so are they who are truly happy.

This message reminded me, once again, of the opportunities I have been blessed with. Years ago, I never would have guessed my life would be what it is today, but more and more, I realize that's okay. I'm currently in a program that will give me the opportunity to bless the lives of others. I have already experienced this in my apprenticeship as I work with a little girl. I look at her and think of her future and the impact my training could have on her life...the confidence it could give her...and it makes me so much more appreciative and dedicated to the work I will be required to put into my program. It will all be worth it in the end. I want to find joy in my personal journey here on this earth...through the good and the bad...and I want to instill such joy in others through loving service. We are, quite literally, either the creators or the destroyers of our own happiness so let's "forget not to be happy now."

Blessing #12

Sadie.

My dog died very suddenly this week and it was really quite hard for me. I haven't had to deal with death much in my life. My grandpa died a few years ago and I remember gaining a stronger testimony of eternal families during that time. I hadn't really given the doctrine of eternal families much thought up to that point...I mean, I had grown up learning I would have an eternal family and was so grateful for that, but when my grandpa died, I really searched the doctrine further and was incredibly grateful for the peace it brought into my life during that difficult time. I loved him so much.

I felt that same pain again this week as I held my dog for the last time. It probably sounds silly to those who have not owned a dog before, but she was literally a part of my family and a part of me. She was always such a blessing to me. When I was home alone, I felt safe knowing she was there with me. When I needed to talk, yes, I would talk to my dog...and she would always just sit there next to me and listen. When I came home for the weekends in my Provo years, she would run around the house excitedly and she would literally give me a hug. She made me feel so special. My dog was my good friend. My house seems so quiet without her now and I know I will continue to miss her presence in my life.

The night after we lost her, I decided to watch Marley and Me. I know, I was just asking for more tears right? :) It was so good though to watch such a tender story about a family and their love for their dog. In the end of that movie, a certain quote always gets me. The main character in the story, John Grogan, says: "A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?"

I have always loved that quote. The words are said as he is watching his family through the window and I find the scene so touching. Our families are truly the ones who can bless our lives in such a way...they can make us feel extraordinary. I know that is true because I have experienced that in my own family. I am truly grateful for them and am incredibly grateful for the time I had with my dog. She made my family complete and I will remember her always :)

Blessing #11

TRAX! Yes, this post is dedicated to the trax train. UTA should be thanking me for promoting one of their modes of transportation ;) Why on earth am I grateful for TRAX today? Well, other than the fact that it is just plain awesome to ride a train, TRAX made me smile today. Here's why: I love to people watch! Don't call me a creeper, you know you love to people watch too ;) Today's people watching session was special though! I watched a young, male college student talking to someone on the phone and he couldn't stop smiling....you know, the cutesy, cheesy, sappy, talking to his new girlfriend type of smiling :)

I then watched a girl take out her phone to find that she had received a text message. Instantly, a massive smile appeared on her face and I watched her read the message over and over again...now, let's be honest ladies, we've all done this! I have no idea what was said in the phone conversation or the text message, but each of their reactions told me everything I needed to know...they were both so, extremely happy and in love. I tried to imagine what could be going on in their lives and relationships and couldn't stop myself from smiling also as I considered the possibilities. While the road to finding one's EC (eternal companion) can be difficult at times, it can also be just plain adorable. I love love! :)

Blessing #10

I recently watched The Adjustment Bureau. I'm sorry to be bringing up another movie, but after it ended, I found myself contemplating its message quite a bit. If you haven't seen it yet, I'll give just a brief summary...a very brief summary. Basically, the main characters, David and Elise, fall in love. However, as with any good love story, something impedes their relationship from progressing. In this case, that something is the adjustment bureau. The responsibility of the adjustment bureau is to keep each man or woman on his or her own set, predetermined path. Each member of the adjustment bureau works for the "chairman" of the bureau and he is the one who determines which path is correct for each person. Of course, in the movie, David and Elise are not meant to be together, so they must find a way to break free from the chairman's grip. From a Hollywood standpoint, I think it's safe to say that the "chairman" would represent God in this movie; a controlling God who doesn't allow humanity to make individual decisions.

Luckily, that is not the way I envision God. To this day, I'm still trying to decide exactly how I feel about the movie; however, one thing I do know, is that it brought some thoughts to my mind that I'm grateful for. First of all, the movie's representation of God is quite skewed, but I related to it in a way. Heavenly Father obviously doesn't force us to do anything; we have our agency. He does, however, know what is best for each of us. So, although we are not forced to follow a specific path, there is a path that may be better for us to follow than others. Hence the need for revelation.

This thought brought about a personal epiphany. Have you ever felt, as David and Elise did, that you are not on a path you would have chosen for yourself? Have you wondered why things happen the way they do when such circumstances, you feel, tend to just bring sadness or disappointment? I have. I've even prayed that I might receive something I want, because I feel it will bring me the happiness my Heavenly Father would want me to have. This movie though, along with plenty of other experiences, has made me realize that there is a plan, better than my own, occurring in my life right now...and as I put my faith in God, I will be able to see it as such.

An encouraging and relevant quote was shared in a talk given in my ward this past week. It's by Elder Bruce C. Hafen. He said: "...we must willingly give everything, because God Himself can't make us grow against our will and without our full participation." Each of us must willingly give our will to the Lord and trust that he will make us our best and bring about our greatest joy. I, personally, am grateful for not always being granted the blessings I seek for myself. Little by little, and often in hindsight, we learn to recognize the Lord's hand in our lives. I've definitely seen that in my own life recently and am so grateful that the "chairman", ahem, I mean that the man upstairs exists ;)

Blessing #9

Let me just start by saying the past week has been really tough for me. It started wonderfully! I finally thought something was developing with a guy I have been interested in for a very long time. My excitement quickly dwindled though as I found out that I was wrong. I should have been ready for it; it's happened before. But the amount of emotion that results from these experiences still shocks me every time. Not only have I lost someone who I invested a lot of time and hope in, but I've also lost a best friend. I miss him more than I can even express and wish I could stop the tears that seem to appear at the most inopportune times. I sometimes feel like I seem to find success in every aspect of my life but love, which unfortunately, is what I want most. Along with this, I lost my best girl friend to Texas since she graduated, I spent several unsuccessful hours (due to lack of concentration) studying for finals, and I recently got sick. I know, woe is me right? I must sound so pathetic. Why is it so hard to find the good in life when going through trials? I have the same conversation with myself every time that I experience something like this and I can't seem to come up with an answer that sticks. It's not the end of the world. Things will improve. I will move on. I know this from experience. So why can't I immediately move from point A to point B without all the wallowing in sadness and misery?

After this week, I can offer one answer. I've been studying about adversity lately and I caught a glimpse of why these experiences are important when I read a talk by Elder Neal A. Maxwell called Enduring Well. Let me share a couple of quotes from it with you:

"Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely cautioned: 'I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.'"

"Edith Hamilton observed: 'When love meets no return the result is suffering, and the greater the love the greater the suffering. There can be no greater suffering than to love purely and perfectly one who is bent upon evil and self-destruction. That was what God endured at the hands of men.'"

"Many...experience unreciprocated love. This is part of coming to know, on our small scale, what Jesus experienced. Part of enduring well consists of being meek enough, amid our suffering, to learn from our relevant experiences. Rather than simply passing through these things, they must pass through us and do so in ways which sanctify these experiences for our good (see D&C 122:7). Thereby, our empathy, too, is enriched and everlasting."

Now think of that last quote and my recent experience. Keep in mind that this talk was the first I came to in my studies. Coincidence? I think not. The Lord knew that I needed to hear something related to love and suffering and boy was that quote powerful for me. Through this experience, on a very small scale, I'm coming to understand a bit more about what my Savior went through; possibly even what I've put him through at times. I'm also developing more empathy for others. Empathy is powerful, I've seen the importance of it in my job when counseling with students who have gone through extremely hard experiences.

The last quote also reminded me of a quote by Elder Holland that I love. He said, “you can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experiences with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life.” I think this is what it means to have trials pass through us in ways that will sanctify us for our good. When in the midst of trials and suffering, we will receive revelation and instruction that will make us better people and more capable instruments in the hands of the Lord. I want to end with another comforting quote by President Uchtdorf:

"Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can't see the Lord's hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness."

I am grateful for the gospel. I am grateful for the people who have made a positive influence on my life. And I am grateful for adversity.